It seems as though I only write at the time of a season change...Mmmm...maybe that should be my first clue that I have too much on my plate! But oh how I love fall. Amidst all of the lists of things I have signed up for or promised or whatever...I love the colors, the weather (minus the wind), my kiddos all bundled up to play and then returning for hot cocoa with red noses...I love it all...we also have a day of remembering our sweet Josie's birthday, November 14th. Then my love for fall grows a little weary and every day is a little bit harder to celebrate.

This time three years ago is the only time I got to spend with her...from November 14th to February 6th. So every year during these few months I think about what I was doing then, 3 years ago, and how we had Thanksgiving at my house because I had just come home from the hospital, and then Christmas at GG and Papa's with her JUMBO stocking bigger than her, full of goodies from GG. Ella does not remember any of this...Ava will never know her other big sister...these thoughts flood my mind and even as time goes on, it is still hard.

I heard a song last week about how "I can see Heaven through the face of my little girl." It made me think of how beautiful Heaven must really be if I can see it through Josie's sweet face. I know it is just a song written by a man , but it pulled on my heart in so many ways. I am reminded...it is OK to be mad and upset...it is OK to cry...it is OK to want her back...but what I remember through all of that is she is in Heaven, where all of the rest of us want to be. And for now, I am here, and have a family to take care of and babies to rock and read to...I am here so I really have to be here.

Just a little quote I love...

You are the poem I dreamed of writing, the masterpiece I longed to paint.  You are the shining star I reached for in my ever hopeful quest for life fulfilled.  You are my child.  Now with all things, I am blessed.

Remember to love all of the little things in your life.

Well I am finally making another entry.  Summer is here in full force with lots of hot T-ball games ahead!  I can't believe my baby is big enough for organized sports!!  I have a suddenly overwhelming feeling of life flying by so quickly that I don't have time to blink.  What is a working mom to do when she feels like she should stay at home and not miss one second of the little lives that keep her on her toes???  Why is it such a difficult decision???  How do I accomplish both working and "momming" without feeling like there's not ever enough time in the day for both to be fulfilled?  Hopefully my answers will come as I enjoy every second of this blazing hot summer and all the memories it brings...

"In the beginning"

Well here goes...I am officially blogging!  I have been so inspired by some fellow bloggers that I feel drawn to this form of journaling.  I am sure I will laugh at what I write and wonder what I was thinking but my kids will love it in the end no matter what.  This is the best way for them to know that when I say "I've been there" that I really mean it!  My story will be a continuous journey from now until you quit reading or until I quit writing...hopefully a long time from now!  Though I am excited for the day to be reunited with my sweet Josie in Heaven, I will rejoice in the small wonders of this earth and my loving family as long as I am granted.  If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's no time like the present, so cherish every second!